My wise friend Emily asked me if I had been surprised by any aspect of motherhood. My habitual and sincere answer since Danica was born was, "No." I reasoned that realistic people of realistic age have realistic expectations. Since then I've been rethinking my knee jerk reply. Now that Danica is almost two, I realized that I can no longer refer to sleepless nights and leaky diapers. These days, every minute is a marvel. It seems like her little brain is developing in a way that I never could have predicted. To watch her encounter a problem for the first time (How can I see what's on the counter?) and then engineer her own solution (I will pull over my chair and stand on it) is a small miracle that I am privileged to witness on a daily basis. Watching her discover her own joy at splashing water at the beach literally made my heart ache with love and gratitude. I am overwhelmed with the responsibility of her experiences. She is a perfect little being with all the potential in the world and at this stage in the game, her father and I are pretty much the only ones who can screw it up. The pressure of the last statement is outweighed only by the melodrama....
I used to tell myself that I was going to stimulate her mind at every opportunity, every "teachable moment." I would practice all the latest and greatest child rearing methods gleaned from the many stacks of books I've read on developmental theory. The reality? I try to socialize her by taking her out in a variety of public settings but she often gets dragged around with me on my errands when I'm in too much of a hurry to let her explore her surroundings. I stifle her curiosity and autonomy with my fascist demands that she not touch things because they are potentially messy or dirty. I often stick her in front of the TV for huge chunks of time so I can get work done. Imagination Movers, Backyardigans, and Back at the Barnyard. Those are her favorite shows where she is least likely to call for me and my business calls must all fit within those three shows each day.
I can't say it's the best I can do but I'm a pragmatist. I am surprised that I have this attitude about my baby, the most precious thing I have ever been responsible for in my life. But I've got at least 16 more years of this responsibility ahead of me and I am only human.
1 comment:
I guess I understand the compulsion to attend to every need, encourage every instinct, reward every success, and guard against every danger. But you know what? Kids are pretty resiliant. Infants today recieve more care than ever before parents, with medicines, entertainments, safety gear, and rigorously tested psychological programs. And even without any of that, we somehow managed to top 6 billion as a population, and a lot of us turned out pretty well despite watching a LOT of tv as a kid. Give yerself a break.
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